You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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