So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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