You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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