You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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