Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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