I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize