apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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