Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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