Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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