Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
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Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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