Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
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Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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