After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize