if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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