I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize