Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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