Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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