I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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