I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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