When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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