I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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