So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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