youre lurking in front of me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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