its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize