You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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