All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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