don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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