I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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