This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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