i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize