nut hugger
She is in my trunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Small penises have feelings too.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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