the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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