didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize