READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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