Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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