Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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