What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize