umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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