it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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