Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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