So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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