new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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