I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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