I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
