jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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