Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize