saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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