the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize