never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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