I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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