I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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